Dissertation
Thesis:
The New Millennium finds the modern woman at a crossroads. Will we continue on
this path of destruction forged by medical science, or will we claim our
sovereignty as women and restore/retain The Divine Feminine and claim our
freedoms of self-determination?
Written by Jenny Hatch: For her Doctorate in Motherhood.
Note: Since there is no Criteria, University Curriculum,
Certificate, or acknowledged academic cap and gown that could be used to
designate myself as a Doctor in the Philosophy of Motherhood, I went out and
bought myself a new apron, and offer the words of these ten essays combined
with the pictures of my family as evidence and proof of my credentials as a PhD
MH!
*Message to any person who has come across this Dissertation –
We Mothers have to know what we are about. Since the world,
especially the education establishment, largely holds the daily work we do in
contempt, we need to stake our claim and stand tall, confident, and clear on
what our efforts mean, not just to us, and our families, but to society as a
whole. For anyone who is thinking about becoming a parent, please carefully
consider the words that follow.
If you count up the hours spent reading, practical skills mastered,
and recognize the contribution to society the amazing gift of yet another
gently birthed, nurtured, and nourished child to be enjoyed by all who come in
contact with him or her and decide you too deserve to receive the coveted PhD
MH, go ahead, start putting those little letters after your name.
Welcome to the Motherhood branch of Academia!
Get a new apron, have your husband get you pregnant, throw out all
your high-heeled shoes, and happily welcome another blessed child into your
home. We have a certain stereotype to proudly thrust in the faces of all who
judge us…..it is BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT!!! I can think of few blessed states to
be in than barefoot and expecting another blessed child into our home. So I
happily project this supposedly derogatory cliché’ of Motherhood and combined
with the PhD MH letters after my name, will gladly defend this dissertation in
any forum at any time.
Who said only the hallowed halls of academia and the ivory towers
of the Ivy League have the right to bestow Advanced Degrees upon the heads of
individual men and women?
What do those little letters mean?
To me, the designation PhD MH is a very “tongue in cheek” attempt
to quantify and validate the work we are accomplishing in our own homes. If
reading this introduction to my dissertation has given you a laugh and helped
you to gain some perspective on the value of this important work, then I have
accomplished my goal.
Jenny Marie Hatch PhD MH
(*That name does look official, doesn’t it?
Kind of makes you think I know something…Well, I do know something, I know how
to make a healthy baby*)
Three hours after Benjamin was Lotus Born
on
Family Sovereignty
Sovereign, the buzzword in Internet circles also has applications
for the family. Why? Over the past decades a shift has occurred in the hearts
and minds of some parents. So many have adopted home-school, unassisted family
birthing, and a complete severance from government programs and money that this
trend toward family sovereignty could be called a movement.
Why? The definition of sovereignty holds the clues as to why families are
adopting practices completely out of the mainstream. Sovereign is defined as
self-governing or independent. Sovereignty includes in its definition complete
independence and self-government. So the definition of Family Sovereignty could
be The Family That Is Self Governed.
What does this mean for the modern husband and wife? Is it scriptural? Scriptures
from Genesis to the Ephesians talk about a man leaving his Father and Mother,
and joining with his wife and they two shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24,
Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7, and Ephesians 5:31) I like the Genesis version because
it talks about a Man who cleaves to his wife. That denotes a sort of bonding,
which is true, faithful and cemented.
The picture in my mind is of a husband and wife so completely
bonded in unity and love nothing can come between them. I believe the couples
adopting these practices understand the necessity of independence from most
worldly structures. The reason for this is because of an instinctual
understanding that when we let anyone do something for us that we are fully
capable of doing for ourselves, whether it is birthing, teaching and training
our children or even nurturing them when babies, the bond between husband and
wife is weakened.
As parents and families gradually wean from the structures that are available
for education, health care, and finances, I think it is important to have a
clear understanding why we are leaving
I would suggest that as the world continues to separate into those who desire
to be parents and those who don't, this notion of Family Sovereignty is going
to become crucial to understanding modern life in the new millennium. The chasm
between those who live for themselves with the “eat, drink, and be merry”
lifestyle and those of us who live for the tomorrows of life with grandchildren
will grow ever wider.
In my Mothering these past eleven years I have been blessed to have many close
friends who are highly educated, self declared liberals. Through the wonderful
natural childbirth community that quietly thrives in
Many, many times I was the only Christian,
anti-feminist, conservative in the group and I give my liberal friends credit
that they have loved me and welcomed my ideas and feelings as valid, despite
being a Rush Limbaugh fan. Being friends with those who are ideologically
opposite from me in world view and yet sharing a passion for the sacredness of
women's bodies and minds has helped me to clarify more clearly what I believe.
I have spent many, many hours thinking about what it means to be a woman and a
mother in the new millennium. The word sovereign keeps coming into my mind. I
am descended from patriots, so my passion for liberty comes naturally.
I see our generation of parents as being those who MUST understand truth in all
areas of our lives. I see our generation as being willing to sacrifice worldly
aims and pleasures in order to clean up the planet and make it a more celestial
place for our children to inhabit. I see our generation being full of complete
fidelity towards spouse and children, amazing strength of character, love of
truth, Integrity to principle, with a zealous desire to see the triumphant
forward march of truth.
We will honor our parents for giving us life. Like us, they made choices based
upon current available information, and if that information tended to be
propaganda and harm resulted then we will let it go and remember they made the
best choices possible at the time. We will honor them for the legacy they have
passed along to us, but that does not mean we have to adhere to every false
tradition and practice they utilized in their parenting, just to keep the peace
at family reunions. We MUST identify false ideas and practices and set about
righting the wrongs of the past two centuries.
Our generation must be thinkers, and
workers. We must be men and women who consider carefully our course in life and
the principles we espouse. The scriptures say "Blessed are those who
hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled."
As we hunger and thirst for the faith and knowledge that will allow us to
overcome years of fear based parenting practices let us be confident that the
Lord will fill us up with his righteousness and give us every answer to every
question posed.
(Nursing Allison for the first time after
my C-Section – with this nursing moment, I began eight years of non stop
breastfeeding!)
I have spent the past eight years
breastfeeding my children on demand. While I nursed I would read books on
everything from birth to political ideology and education. This has translated
into about 4 hours a day of study time. Based on the time spent and the effort
exerted as well as the multiple final exams (my births). I have given myself a
PhD in Motherhood. I don't know of any university that would or could grant me
an advanced degree in being a Mom, but I feel like it is time to offer my
Dissertation and am willing to defend it to anyone who takes issue with what I
say.
I believe most of the problems we encounter as parents can be summed up in one
word - KNOWLEDGE. The lack of knowledge, the misuse of knowledge or the
overabundance of false knowledge, misapplied. As I have sought to increase my
Faith and Knowledge one principle has been A sure foundation of belief for me.
It is "What does Heavenly Father think?"
“I believe all human beings are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved
spirit son or daughter of Heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine
nature and destiny. I believe gender is an essential characteristic of
individual premortal, mortal and eternal destiny and purpose. I believe in the
premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their
Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a
physical body and gain earthly experience to progress towards perfection and
ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life.”
(Proclamation on the Family)
I trust that Heavenly Father is interested in the DETAILS of my day
to day life, and so it has been my practice to turn to him in times of need to
ask HIM what I should do for HIS child, who has been loaned to me for a time to
nurture and teach. As each issue has come up with my little ones, I have turned
to that all knowing source of inspiration, power, and KNOWLEDGE and have felt
guided to know what each individual child needed at any given moment, rather
than adopt a belief or practice based on some professionals expert
"opinion".
As I have struggled to make decisions for and in behalf of my children until
they are old enough to make their own choices, I have come to adopt a few
principles and beliefs about Knowledge, Freedom, and Self Government. I hope to
create a dialog on Family Sovereignty that moves way beyond the current
supposedly relevant debates over day care and nationalized health care. I am
interested in debating with those professionals who think they know best how
children should be birthed, nurtured, healed, and educated and would use the
courts to force their cult of professionalism on those of us who are following
our hearts to a more gentle and empowered lifestyle. So, let the debate begin….
Short Essay From Elijah Birth, How to Turn the Hearts of the
Fathers – an E-Book found at: WWW.NaturalFamilyCo.com
By their
fruits…
As the doctor sliced into my body I had the sensation of my soul being
cut in two. Then one doctor stood by my
side and pushed on my little daughters breech head and the other doctor pulled,
hard, on her legs, and I heard a loud sucking sound and then "POP!"
she was out. As she emerged my blood
spewed out of me and a drop of it landed on my husbands forehead. I thought to myself, "is this really
necessary?"
I
have given birth to four children, one was a cesarean. Not bad odds. Actually, they are about
average. The 20 hours of labor I put
in with my 2nd daughters birth was followed by the surgery. Like most breech babies Allison wasn't given
the option to be born normally and so I sport the crooked battle scar that we
c-section mommas carry as evidence of doing battle with the medical profession.
I would suggest the rapid rise in the c-section rate, which has occurred
in my short lifetime is about one thing…money.
Is there a historical pattern of families being robbed of their health
and income by doctors? The Bible holds
the clue. Modern Christians love to tell
the story of the diseased woman who suffered from a bleeding disorder for
twelve years. This story also had a deep
impact on the apostles as Matthew, Mark and Luke all recorded versions of her
faith healing simply by touching Jesus Christ's clothing. What is generally left out of these
recounting’s however, is the time and money she wasted on doctors. (Matthew 9:20-22, Mark
Mark records that she had suffered many things of many physicians, and
had spent all that she had, and was nothing better, but rather grew worse. Luke recorded she had spent all her living
upon physicians, neither could be healed of any.
Is it possible that one of the main reasons Jesus Christ was crucified
was because he was breaking up the medical monopoly in
Healing in the scriptures has been described as a spiritual gift, not to
be sold for money. Selling spiritual
gifts for money is a form of priestcraft.
As the cesarean epidemic continues to escalate in our world (in some
countries it has topped out at 90%), and the costs of childbearing and
parenting continue to rise, couples are going to have to take a hard look at
exactly what the Obstetrical world is all about. We also have to ask ourselves if this money
spent results in a healthier baby, family, and pocketbook.
Modern Obstetrical practice is historically rooted in doctors having a
desire for financial well being. In
fact, in the early 1800's an all out assault was conducted against midwives on
the East Coast of
In fact,
Here is a quote from a pamphlet that was published in 1820. Doctors were proclaiming victory over the
midwives by this time. (Cummings and
Hillard - Boston -1820) "It is one
of the first and happiest fruits of improved medical education in
Why did the doctors want the midwives out? This same pamphlet claims the practice of
midwifery was the ticket to a successful practice. "women seldom forget a practitioner who
has conducted them tenderly and safely through parturition. It is principally on this account that the
practice of midwifery becomes desirable to physicians. It is this which ensures to them the
permanency and security of all their other business."
Modern hospitals also understand that a mother who delivers at a certain
hospital will return again and again for emergencies and surgeries. They bank on it, which is why so much money
is spent on advertising for the maternity ward.
In the ebb and flow of our worlds history there have always been those
men and woman who have earned their living at the expense and to the detriment
to the family. But never before has it
been so respectable, or so profitable as it is right now today. We have doctors charging thousands to get us
pregnant, keep us pregnant, abort away the baby if we don't want it, birth it
for us, feed it for us, keep it alive if it is born too soon, heal it for us
and then we have the government waiting to teach it, train it, feed it and
manipulate it and everyone sends the bill to the parents, or the taxpayers.
I have this picture in my mind of Adam and Eve alone, perhaps surrounded
by ministering angels, but basically alone - birthing, nourishing, teaching,
and training their children until they are teens. Then sending them off two by two to multiply
and carry on. No doctors, no lawyers, no
beaurecrats, no social workers, no banks, no stores. Just quietly living two by two, farming and
birthing and living - simple.
The absolute mess of modern life has made these simple god-like acts of
procreation so expensive and scary that we recently reached the sad milestone
in America of more couples deciding to remain childless than those who desire
to be parents.
A friend of mine who really wanted her married children to have babies
was lamenting to me once, "it's a selfish generation, won't have
babies." Selfish might be part of
it, but I think a more correct word is scared.
It is a scared generation. In the
1960's, if a hospital’s c-section rate went over 5% an internal inquiry was
held to determine why it was so high.
With one in four babies in America cut out of their mothers today, one
has to question "has their been a discernable change in women's bodies in
the last forty years to justify this increase?"
As young women hear the horror stories from older sisters and friends,
see the occasional child who is permanently damaged by birth, see a friend in
the throes of suicidal post partum depression, or the financial devastation
from a preemie, no wonder they are opting out.
One of my unassisted childbirth friends recently said to me,
"Marriage and parenting are challenging enough when you have an empowering
freebirth. Why muddy the waters with the
indignities and defilement's of a profession gone crazy?".
In psalm 127:3 we are told, "lo children are an heritage of the
Lord and the fruit of the womb is his reward." We are also told in Matthew
Is the medical profession a ravening wolf chowing on families like never
before? Matthew continues that same
entry with these words in v. 16, "ye shall know them by their fruits…a
corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit…wherefore by their fruits ye shall know
them."
Certain doctors are calling for a 100% cesarean rate. This self-serving attitude is suspicious and
I am curious to know WHEN we as a society are going to start questioning all of
these surgeries.
The natural childbirth community just keeps plugging along, believing
that the gifts of the medical establishment are useful to the 6% of mothers who
truly need to have their babies cut out of them. About 10% of mothers should be in the
hospital to give birth with the tools and techniques which have been sent by
God to help us when the body can’t function normally, perhaps because of a
birth defect or accident (like a broken pelvis). But for the vast majority of women – natural
spontaneous birth is possible and highly desirable because of the positive
impact it has on family sovereignty and unity.
With the media, government, years of fear based propaganda and history
backing them up and several generations of women who truly believe the doctors
saved the baby with all that cutting and pulling and sewing, this monster of
Babylon just keeps on keepin' on. I would encourage those parents who wish to
claim their sovereignty to say no to drugs.
Say no to the maiming and torture of mothers. Say no to the socialized medicine, the
"free" cradle to grave health care.
They cannot have control over our minds and hearts with their fear based
tactics. Enough! Mothers and Fathers, claim your
sovereignty…Say no to the fruits of the medical profession.
I challenge those who believe in freedom and teach its principles to:
Develop our gifts of the spirit to the point where we confidently know which
birthing scenario is best for each individual child. A mother may give birth to ten children in a
quiet family setting with only Father present and then for her eleventh child
she may require the services of highly trained doctor who will save her and the
child during the birth. The challenge is
to develop our listening skills so when the still small voice of the Holy Ghost
whispers what is needful, we are listening and in tune.
The problem I see with what is happening
today is that when iatrogenic (doctor caused) situations arise, the couple in
their ignorance naively believe that the doctor saved the day, when he/she
performs extreme “heroic” measures to get the baby out, or stop the bleeding or
resuscitate the baby. The fact that the
labor stopped because Mom was given an epidural, or that the hemorrhage was
caused by pulling out the placenta too soon, or that the baby is blue and not
breathing because of too many drugs administered during labor is generally not
considered by most parents today. And so
the cycle of ignorance and brutality continues.
When will it stop? When parents
take personal responsibility and decide to get educated. By their Fruits, ye
shall know them.
Essay Three:
My
With commentary on the Primal Mama
Lifestyle from my experience and perspective
Yesterday I called Jeannine Parvati Baker
to integrate what happened during our blessing way last Monday (labor day). She
offered this to me as a final gift before the birth of our fifth baby in a few
weeks. We had intended to talk for thirty minutes, but went way beyond that
time, and she said it was her gift to the baby and I to have a chance to chat
freely. The timing was interesting to me as yesterday was the sixth anniversary
of my first Freebirth.
My
son Andrew turned six yesterday, and I called Jeannine asking if we could talk
during that time, as it was the exact moment that I was in labor, on a Saturday
morning, six years ago. She agreed and we had a wonderful discussion. I
realized as we hung up the phone that our conversation ended right about the
time I had a quick five-minute transition and started pushing Andrew into the
world – about
This
pregnancy has been a healing time for us. We conceived in January. My husband
Paul has known for years that if we had another baby I would want to do my own
prenatal care, as I did with Andrew six years ago, and was not surprised when I
did exactly that for the past eight months.
What
was a surprise to me however, was how my life organized itself to allow me to
use Jeannine and Rico as my Shamanic Midwives, much the same way that Laura and
David Shanley were my mentor’s during Andrew’s pregnancy. I don’t know why I
have been so blessed to have these pioneers as such an intimate part of my
life. But I will take what I have been given and just say that it has been
exciting to develop deep friendships with these souls who are working so
diligently to heal birth.
I
first discovered Unassisted Childbirth in 1989 when I read about Pat Carter’s
League of empowered women, and I determined then that one day I would join her
league by giving birth alone. How exciting for me to be able to have deep and
passionate discussions through email and on the phone with these wonderful
sisters while pregnant, being mentored and encouraged by those who have lived
such amazing pioneering lives and then been passionate enough to write and
share of their experiences!
As we have walked, skipped, and occasionally run in a dead heat down this
conscious parenting path – I have been amazed and gratified that our journey
has led us to living in close proximity to people like Laura and Jeannine.
Paul and I have had an interesting journey,
with much of argument and discussion about how best to birth, nurture, and
raise our children. We have finally arrived at the place where we feel very
comfortable in our own skins as conscious parents, but it was not easy to get
to this place.
This
pregnancy has been marked with much peacefulness and happiness. A gentle soul
is in the making and it brings us so much joy, I just want to sing and dance
and praise God for the goodness of our lives after so much tribulation.
We
transferred to the hospital shortly after Andrew’s birth for help with his
breathing and my bleeding. Laura believes my background in musical theatre
called for a dramatic birth and Jeannine has also expressed that a need for
drama expresses itself through those types of realities. I don’t know why I had
such a wild time after that birth, when all I wanted was a quiet bonding with
my child after his entry into the world, but the trauma of that transfer
resulted in me questioning everything about our life.
In the years that have followed we have
really struggled, questioning everything we felt guided to do for our children.
This time of scrutiny lasted a while, especially when I had friends who had a
beautiful 9lb. daughter die during a Freebirth. I questioned my spirituality,
my inner guidance, my sanity, and went through a dark time of wondering if
anything that I had perceived as truth, was of worth to our children. We
decided the year Andy was born to send our children to a Core Knowledge Charter
school. It seemed like all of my ideals of home based everything – birth,
school, nutrition, and conscious living had quickly evaporated into nothing.
As we struggled through this time, made
more challenging by Paul experiencing debilitating panic attacks, horrible food
allergies with a gluten intolerance that made us give up vegetarian eating, and
terrible financial difficulties that required me to work outside our home off
and on for a few years, I experienced a sort of valley after our peak
empowering experience of taking personal responsibility for the health of my
beautiful son during his gestation and birth.
*(I
learned during his pregnancy that by indeed taking full responsibility and not
passing the buck to anyone, I was much more careful about my diet, my exercise
routine, and my sleep – and I built this 11 lb 12 oz child in 42 weeks from
conception, on 80% live vegan foods and enjoyed an energetic pregnancy, nursing
my two year old son for the duration.)
I have thought long and hard what this “valley” of darkness after Andrew’s
birth was all about. A scripture comes to mind when I think of this time. It is
from the Book of Mormon and says: “And now, I,
Hatch Children 1997
I believe now that this time was the trial
of my faith. Sometimes God gives us enough light and truth to encourage us to
take a different path, but then he lets us struggle somewhat as we learn by our
own experience to know the bitter from the sweet. As Jeannine and I talked
yesterday she told me of the three years that her children were court ordered
to attend school. I marveled once again at the similarity of our paths.
While we were not court ordered to send our
children to school, the outside pressure we felt from family and friends
contributed greatly to this decision and Paul was deeply concerned that with
tandem nursing the boys I would not be able to give Shelly what she deserved in
terms of my time and energy. We sent her to school at age seven for the first
time a few days before Andy’s birth.
We felt somewhat comforted that our
children were in a safe place during the four years they were in public
education and that we were able to rub shoulders with some wonderful families,
but I hated the fact that after being so clear about home school our life had
spun out of control and the institutionalized learning I had so long abhorred,
the materialism, and the busy runaround lifestyle was being shoved on my
children and ME! The irony in all of this was that the children loved it! (OK -
Jeff did hate kindergarten, and refused to go about half the time, but he was
excited for a few weeks in the beginning!)
Michelle told me a few days into her second
grade year that she loved recess, music, gym, and eating lunch with her new
friends. The only part of school she didn’t like was when the teacher stood in
front of the class and talked! As Allison and Jeff had their first imprints
with kindergarten and made new friends and mostly enjoyed the time outside our
home while I nurtured Andrew, I again questioned my beliefs about unschooling
and mother and father being so responsible for everything from birthing to
teaching children to read.
We participated in Joy school for
the first time (Joy preschool is a parent led program where parents organize a
twice weekly preschool taught in their homes – I did this for a year with both
Jeff and Andrew when they were four, with about seven other families from our
church). Once again, I found myself doing something I had vowed I would never
do – having developed very strong beliefs about pre-school being bad for
children. Yet the boys loved the structure and the friends and the feeling of
community, and I enjoyed developing friendships with the other mother’s.
As our diet quickly degenerated to the
typical American cold cereal in the morning (easy, quick, and a kid pleaser),
the school’s hot lunch for lunch, and meat based supper for the sake of my
husband, I again would look in the mirror and wonder who I had become.
As I thought of the years of painstaking
efforts in my kitchen to feed my children the most nourishing, organic, whole
foods on the planet, and the care with which I crafted my breastmilk, which I
gave to them in such a careful, nurturing way, I wondered at this over night
change to mainstream everything.
If I sent a healthy snack to school for the
classroom or baked something from scratch for the preschool or school party
celebration, most often the container would come home full of what I had made
and my child would be in tears saying that no one wanted what they had to
offer, and next time could they bring fruit snacks for the group? Those evil
gelatinous nasty concoctions of chemicals and sugar were my kid’s ticket to
popularity and acceptance. And so I caved, and bought them time after time,
again wondering “who” I had become and “where” were all of my ideals?
All of this questioning about home birth,
nutrition, home school, and conscious intentional living was good for my heart.
During the four years that the children participated in the Charter and Joy
school’s and we had a real break from pregnancy and breastfeeding, Paul and I
were able to negotiate and redefine our priorities and then in a careful and
calculated way begin again.
This time in a much more conscious way;
aware of the pitfalls of being too independent and too isolated from our
community - thus shutting ourselves off from wonderful friendships,
experiences, and memories. With the children in school, our family and friends
who had been so worried were able to relax for a few years and the
uncomfortable scrutiny, rejection, and prejudice, (which are all present
whenever one walks a different path - and which the children were able to
feel), settled down somewhat. In order for of us to feel comfortable with this
lifestyle, all families need to evaluate how much rejection and feelings of
being “different” our marriages and our children can take as we walk the
alternative paths.
For some, this rejection and scrutiny could
weaken the ties that bind us together and cause a breech in our intimacy as a
couple. One of Paul’s constant laments in the early year’s was, “why do we
always have to be the weird one’s?” I believe this time of reevaluation was a
chance for us to integrate and process the trauma that had troubled our
marriage. Paul’s perception over the years was that I would rush from one book
to another, take a flying leap into the unknown with him and the children
quietly standing by flustered and uncomfortable. He told me once that every
time I returned home from the Library with a stack of books, he would cringe
wondering what was next.
As I raced from natural childbirth to
vegetarianism to not immunizing, to pushing all the beds in the house together,
to breastfeeding a four year old, to unschooling, and finally to the mother of
them all…. Unassisted Childbirth… he was left wondering what sort of an irresponsible
nut case he had married?
He didn’t have the time, energy, or
gumption to read all the books that I did. He had been raised on meat and
traditional medicine and turned out all right. His older siblings were raising
beautiful, healthy, large Mormon families without all of this alternative
stuff. Why did “we” have to do it just because someone wrote it in a book? As I
said, we argued and fought and between times made babies. And I nurtured and
tried not to talk too much to him or anyone else about the vision that was
forming in my head on how our family life “could” be.
Jenny and Andrew Three weeks post partum
When everything collapsed after Andrew’s
was born in 1996 and family and friends perception was that the Hatch’s had
finally “come to our senses” and sent the children to school. I was so
devastated. I sort of gave up. Yet now I can look at those four years and see
that it was a sacred window of opportunity to heal and purge and become even
more conscious of what our values and dreams for our family were.
It was a strengthening time for us as a
couple. Because without the mind numbing fatigue associated with attachment
parenting little ones we were able to take great leaps and bounds in the level
of intimacy and trust in our relationship. I find it doubly interesting that
after this time of settling and integration in our marriage, I was able to go
through the terror of remembered sexual abuse (childhood molestation and adult
gang rape) which I had carefully tucked away in my brain to be dealt with at a
much later, safer time.
From what I have studied, the memories
coming back are a sign of health and are often enabled to come out by the
loving acceptance of a spouse. As I perceived Paul’s emotional protection of me
and his increasing satisfaction and delight in my efforts as a mother, I
believe my body/mind was freed to take the plunge and fully purge the past out
of my cells.
During this time of healing, I felt this
child’s spirit around me, comforting and concerned, as I relived the horror of
sexual abuse. As soon as I perceived I was healthy enough to carry a baby, both
physically and emotionally, I prayed and asked Father to bless my womb with
life. He did and this baby leaped into it with my next fertile cycle in January
of 2002.
During this pregnancy I have had dozens of
witnesses that completely endorse and validate the other promptings I had on
holistic lifestyle choices over the years prior to Andrew’s birth. I used to be
so confident, almost to the point of being cocky and offensive to those I came
in contact with, that my way was the absolute best way to welcome babies into
the world and to nurture and raise them. The confidence I feel in regards to
all of this primal mothering is more quiet and clear. With the sober
understanding that this lifestyle while wonderful in most ways, has it’s
drawbacks and pitfalls. Some of these pitfalls are the loneliness and feelings
of isolation the family may experience.
A lack of community for our husbands and
children is also a very real phenomenon. We mother’s may feel supported,
validated, and nurtured by friend’s from all across the world in our vast
internet outreach, or in mothering circles in our community. But our husband’s
and older children may not, and this lack of support for our partners may lead
to a divorce. Our children may also feel they are “missing out” by not
attending school, and our husband’s may be flat out rejected by peers who feel
uncomfortable with these life choices. Men are already isolated in our western
society and to add one more layer of isolation may tip the scales over to a
family breakup.
Most truth in life is so surrounded by
warfare that often it is difficult to clearly see and quantify what it is
exactly that we are doing as parents. The ultimate payoff may not be felt for
years, or even generations. But through the quiet, purposeful daily practice of
nurturing, teaching, and loving our little ones in a very conscious way – we
are battling all that is evil on the planet. As I have renewed my testimony and
faith in the truths surrounding primal parenting during this very conscious
pregnancy, a quiet yet firm confidence has welled up in my heart. The fullness
of this flowering was made manifest not just to me, but also to Paul during our
Early in my pregnancy, I was clear that the
greatest gift I could give to my husband and children was the experience of the
blessing way. I felt somewhat shy and embarrassed to organize my own ceremony –
but had a very clear vision of how I wanted it to go. I felt confident that if
I did nothing else during this child’s gestation – the feelings and power
associated with a family blessing way would be the most important “prenatal
care” we could experience. So, being the little red hen that I am, I set out to
create the ceremony that would serve our family best.
I contacted Jeannine and asked her if she
and Rico were coming to
I spent the summer dreaming, planning and
visualizing how I wanted the celebration to go. Being a Christian, I knew it
would be important to have the Savior’s spirit in abundance at the party and I
also knew that sacred hymns and prayer would be the best way to invite his
spirit. I also understood that the ceremony and the feelings attached to it would
be a potential pattern for how my birth would be and was concerned about the
“wrong” people attending. After a few weeks of pondering on “who” to invite, I
decided to trust that whomever came was meant to be there and that I should
just invite everyone I knew.
I mailed out 95 invitations two weeks
before the party. I invited almost everyone I know in
It was scary, exciting, and overwhelming
thinking who might attend, would there be enough food? Would people judge me
for not doing a traditional baby shower? Would they think I was judging them
for doing the traditional baby shower? Would I ever be invited to a baby shower
again?
I let all of that go, and trusted that it
would be perfect…and it was!
The morning began with a shopping trip to
get the fruit, flowers and ice. Then I cleaned, napped, bathed, and dressed for
the party. Jeannine, Rico, and Halley came at
We drove up to the park about
Soon after ten AM friends started to arrive. We ended up having four fathers’
attend in addition to Paul. I was so pleased that they had taken the time to
come. As each family arrived I had a feeling again, of perfection. This was my
tribe, my family, our support, and the very souls we were destined to bless the
way with!
To invite the spirit of the Lord, I had
asked my son Jeff to offer the opening prayer, but he declined, feeling shy in
front of the group. Then I asked if anyone felt guided to say the prayer, and
my friend Nancy, a Doula, said that she would be honored and proceeded to offer
a wonderful prayer of thanksgiving and protection for our family as we welcome
our new baby.
Then Rico described how the
blessing way came to be practiced in our modern age, and Jeannine described the
purpose of passing around the yarn which we all wound around our wrist’s
symbolizing community and unity and support for our family. As we wound the
string I sang the opening hymn, acapella. I chose this hymn because I have sung
it so often the past year as I mourned the death of my older brother. Dave’s
first child was born a few months after his death and it was sweet to have my
sister in law Lori and her son Dylan at the party!
We sang this song at Dave’s funeral, and it has brought me much comfort this
past year since his death – and it fit in perfectly with the blessing way
theme. Here are the lyrics.
Come
thou Fount
Come thou fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing thy grace.
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above,
Praise the mount I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of thy redeeming love.
Here I raise to thee an alter,
Hither by thy help I’m come.
And I hope by thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God.
He to rescue me from danger,
Interposed his precious blood.
Oh to grace, how great a debtor,
Daily I’m constrained to be.
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love.
Here’s my heart, oh take and seal it
Seal it for thy courts above.
Here’s my heart, oh take and seal it
Seal it for thy courts above.
While I sang Jeannine noted two hawks
flying overhead, gracing our party with their energy and spirit. As I finished
the song, we broke the strings and tied them to our wrists to be a reminder to
pray for the baby and the birth.
Then Jeannine and Rico did the
ceremonial grooming. Letting down my hair, and noting coming wisdom evidenced
by my first gray hairs. Paul noted that he must be very wise, as his head is
covered in gray and we all laughed. Then Rico massaged Paul’s shoulders and
expressed to him his love and confidence in his abilities as a husband and
father/provider. Jeannine and Rico then demonstrated their hand mudras individually
and then together facing us. The symbolic hand motions are indicative of the
life walk that we all make first as individuals and then as part of a family.
Then they anointed our feet with a bottle
of Young Living’s dream catcher essential oil blend. I had used this oil
throughout the pregnancy and felt it would be appropriate for the blessing way.
As Jeannine massaged and touched various reflex points in my feet, I felt a
wave of loving energy wash over my body and the baby started to kick quite
excitedly. Rico worked on Paul and as they massaged I asked that my friends
start going around the circle telling who they were and how they knew our
family. This was the highlight of the party for me and I really enjoyed hearing
everyone tell how they had met our family and what our relationship was. Many
touching things were said and I found myself tearing up as expressions of love
and acceptance were conveyed to Paul and I.
To finish the ceremony Paul and I sang a
hymn together with him accompanying on his guitar. We sang Jesus, Lover of my
soul.
Here are the lyrics….
Jesus, lover of my soul
Let me to thy bosom fly,
While the nearer water’s roll,
While the tempest still is high.
Hide me oh, my savior hide,
Till the storm of life is past,
Safe into thy haven guide,
Oh receive my soul at last.
Other refuge have I none,
Hangs my helpless soul on thee.
Leave oh leave me not alone,
Still support and comfort me.
All my trust in thee is stayed
All my help from thee I bring,
Cover my defenseless head,
With the shadow of thy wing.
We finished the song, I had a feeling of
love enter into my heart, from the circle of friends that had gathered and for
my sweet lover and eternal companion, Paul. We finished the party with a feast
of fresh fruit, muffins, and fruit juice and just visited and took pictures.
Everyone was gone by
I feel that from this moment until the baby
arrives we have been blessed, sanctified and set apart for the important task
of welcoming our child into our home. Coming as it has after so much sorrow,
warfare, and questioning of our choices and beliefs has made the joy
experienced that much more intense for us.
My prayer for all of our families is that
as we walk down this path we will be patient and loving as we learn new
principles and truths and gradually implement them into our family life, with
the understanding that it takes time to learn line upon line the precepts that
will strengthen and nourish our children. I have a dream that by the time my
children are grandparents these practices and this lifestyle will be firmly
entrenched into our world as the ideal way to live family life. It has to be or
how else is Isaiah’s prophecy in chapter 65 going to be fulfilled? Lord knows
it is not going to be fulfilled with the current worldwide path we are on with
the medical model of chemical parenting.
Remember, Isaiah saw our day….
“And I will rejoice in
They shall not build and another inhabit;
they shall not plant and another eat; for as the days of a tree are the days of
my people, and mine elect shall long enjoy the work of their hands. They shall
not labour in vain, nor bring forth for trouble; for they are the seed of the
blessed of the Lord, and their offspring with them. And it shall come to pass,
that before they call, I will answer, and while they are yet speaking, I will
hear. The wolf and the lamb shall feed together, and the lion shall eat straw
like the bullock; and dust shall be the serpent’s meat. They shall not hurt nor
destroy in all my holy mountain saith the Lord.”
Isaiah the Prophet .
And a prophecy from a modern day prophet of the Lord Jesus Christ:
“Would you want doctors? Yes,
to set bones. We should want a good surgeon for that, or to cut off a limb. But
do you want doctors? For not much of anything else, let me tell you, only the
traditions of the people lead them to think so; and here is a growing EVIL in
our midst. It will be so in a little time that not a woman in all
“It will be so in a
little time that not a woman in all
Romance or Rape?
I believe that modern medical childbirth shares a striking
similarity to sexual abuse. I would suggest that many women respond to their
hospital birth experiences the same way that victims of rape or molestation
respond to having their bodies trifled with by those who have power over them.
The trauma and powerlessness I experienced during my first birth
was similar to accounts that I have read of molestation and rape.
I want to emphasize that the terrible thing that happened to me was
NOTHING compared to what many women experience.
All things considered, my first birth was a
total triumph, especially when considering the fact that I gave birth at a huge
teaching hospital in
I was twenty at the time of my first birth.
I had read both of the Bradley books on natural childbirth. Husband Coached
Childbirth by Robert Bradley MD and Natural Childbirth the
The fourth time I went to the hospital, I
was sent to triage alone, to see if I was dilated enough to be put in a labor
room. Naked on the cold hard table, covered by a thin
sheet.....waiting....freezing.....alone, I dealt with a number of contractions
by myself. After a long time, two people entered the room. A female “doctor”
and a young male “intern”. At this point I would like you to imagine that these
are just a couple people off the street and not almighty doctors and ask
yourself if their behavior in any other forum would be considered criminal.
The female shoved her fingers up my vagina.
She didn’t look at me. She didn’t talk to me. She didn’t ask my permission. I
was having a contraction when she did it and the exam was painful. Then the man
took his turn. He shoved two of his fat fingers into my body and began digging
around my cervix.
He was inside of me for a long time and
when he pulled away his hand he declared to her “dilated to three”. She said
“no, she was a two”. Then he again put two fingers into my body without saying
a word to me and started reaming my cervix with his nails. While he was in
there I began having another contraction and started moaning. They noticed and
the female put her hands on my abdomen and started pushing on my belly. She
told the male to put his hands on my lower abdomen to learn what a contraction
feels like. I was freezing, my back was completely cramped in pain, and I
quickly realized these people were using my precious laboring body as a
teaching tool, without my permission. I looked at them both - they had still
not acknowledged my presence - and said “Don’t you EVER touch me again while I
am having a contraction.”
Later I learned that when couples sign
paperwork to be admitted to the hospital, especially teaching hospitals, they
wave all their rights. At home Paul and I had labored for hours alone, he was
very effective in keeping me warm, hydrated, and comfortable by rubbing my back
in that fabulous Bradley back massage. We had been so excited to greet our
child.
At the hospital I felt backed into a
corner, completely vulnerable and alone. When Paul came into the triage room
after about 30 minutes I started to cry. I was just so cold and my back hurt
and I was thirsty and felt so violated. I just wanted to go home. But that was
the beginning of my seven hour fight to have a natural childbirth.
The anger and feelings of defilement from
this experience stayed with me for a long time. In some ways they are still
with me.
I had been a virgin when I married,
and had only one vaginal exam from a trusted Family Doctor right before my
marriage. My
For days after the birth all I could think
about was this man - the intern - his cold dark eyes, his fat fingers digging
around in my body. When I tried to articulate this to Paul, or my family, they
would brush it off saying things like “you have this great baby, well, it was a
teaching hospital, that’s how childbirth is, get over it, etc”.
I really couldn’t explain what I felt and
why I was so upset.
As a young girl of 9 or 10, I had a few
males in my life attempt to trifle with my body. I was not very effective in
sticking up for myself. As I entered my teens the many men and boys who
expressed an interest in my body were effectively brushed away with words. Once
I had to elbow a young man in the nose to convince him to keep his hands to
himself. The bloody nose I gave that sixteen-year-old was nothing compared to
the violent rage I felt towards my perpetrators during my first birth. I wanted
to kick and bite and scream. I am not one for extreme violence, however, I felt
as violated as any victim of molestation.
Interestingly enough, later on I had no
problem with my carefully selected doctors checking me for dilation. They were
kind men and one woman - generally advocates of natural birth, and we shared a
mutual respect. It was simply the cold assumption that my body was there for
the taking during my first birth that really made me feel used and abused.
You may ask, “how then are doctors to be
trained if they cannot learn on women in labor?” I honestly don’t care. Just
stay away from me and my body. I plan to NEVER have another vaginal exam - from
anyone. My body is mine and my procreative parts are for my husband and
breast-feeding babies. Unassisted childbirth solidifies the marriage bond
because it protects the couple from interfering hands which may leave the
Mother feeling raped and the Father feeling like killing the attacker. Instead
society expects Father to thank the guy that abused his wife, shake his hand,
and pay him $7,000.00.
Note that I have not delved into the soul
damage that occurs with episiotomy, cesarean, internal monitoring, the
powerlessness of epidurals, and the detachment from husband and baby which
occurs when the mother’s body is interfered with during labor and birth.
I believe the feelings of rage I
experienced from fifteen minutes of violation are multiplied in some women with
each procedure, each intervention, and each cut of the body.
This rage is confusing to the mother as she
simply wants to enjoy her new baby after the birth, but instead finds herself
projecting her rage towards the people who least deserve it...Her Husband and
Baby. This undercurrent of anger bubbles to the surface often during the months
after birth leaving husbands feeling defensive, guilty and panicked over what
has happened to their wife since the baby arrived. Men on the other hand, deal
with their own feelings of defilement as they play over again and again in
their minds the emotional baggage which is present when one pays thousands of
dollars to someone who tortures his wife and child in front of his eyes.
It is these couples who get the most angry
when they learn of unassisted childbirth. So much emotion bursts forth that
many of these couples divorce or separate or have other problems from
remembering what they experienced during their birth and wondering how
parenting would have been for them had they retained their sovereignty. The
memory of the hours of torture and needles and “speed things up, slow things
down”, the tease of manipulating labor, the blood and pain of the episiotomy,
the fear of the cesarean, the money, the baby that is blue and not breathing.
They wonder how different parenting would have been for them, if they had been
able to have a quiet family centered home birth.
Because birth is a sexual event, it might
be helpful for men to imagine how impossible it would be for them to engage in
any sexual activity in a hospital birthing environment.
The hormones a woman needs to open the
cervix and expel the baby are the exact hormones which allow her to achieve
orgasm.
If a man was asked to produce some semen,
the way a mother is expected to produce a baby in a hospital delivery room,
surrounded by nurses and doctors, hooked up to monitors, poked and prodded and
hurried along or slowed down based on the needs of the staff, and finally when
someone else decided he just didn’t have what it took to produce that semen,
and he was then hurried to surgery where his testicles were forcibly opened and
semen taken from his body for “failure to progress” or some other such
nonsense, that is sort of how it is for some women when they give birth in a
medical environment.
Husbands and fathers -claim your sovereignty! Keep your wives home!
Protect them! Nurture them! Feed them well!! And when the time comes, gently
and romantically birth your sons and your daughters with your lover...alone,
you can do it with Heavenly Father’s help!